Not very reassured...so

We're not holding our breath on the chances of promotion. The career fair the other day yielded some interesting insights and we learned there is no such thing as too soon when looking for that first job after the Army. The market isn't very hot, but the vibe is that "something" will open up, even if that means a contract gig., which my impression defines as temp work.

Impatience can make one wish to just get it over with and drop papers to get out now. The uncertainty threatens to make lemmings of those who panic. So as not to be irrational, we'll have to bide our time and wait for the process to play out in order earn early retirement. To do otherwise would be foolish indeed.  You'd think I would have learned to be more patient by now, but I haven't.

Still I'm both anxious and excited to see what the civilian life could offer. I'd prefer to look for the rainbow around the corner instead of the rain cloud. Besides, if I set my heart on retirement, experience predicts they'll decide to promote him after all, and we'll stuck for four more years.  Who knows...

Curve Ball

The promotion list was published last week, and my husband wasn't on it. He gets one more look, and if he's not picked up then, we may be leaving the army sometime next year. If you're one of my long time friends with access you can read more here.

So for the now we're set to remain in our home for the next year and will have to begin looking into all possibilities for the future.

Probably the first of many to come

mini-panic attack...

No, we don't know if we'll actually be moving this summer...

but the thought that we COULD be moving as soon as the end of June (only because that's the time frame we told branch was our earliest out the door date).... that we COULD be moving then is freaking me out just a little teensy bit!


I'm trying not to get over excited as an old army buddy of dh, is PCSing to our location at the perfect time and "might" be "maybe" interested in renting our house. (Update: never mind, they don't like our assigned schools).

What if... what if everything really could workout so that this "possible" PCS could go smoothly and we won't have to loose our shirt over this house in the process?!?!?  That's been my most fervent prayer.
But there's just so much work that needs to be done, and I can't seem to get to hardly any of it. Walls, trim, and many exterior things need paint! It's not the time of year for painting. Even indoors painting is tricky because I can't go outside and hose off brushes as the faucets are shut off for winter. And besides, I'm busy during the days doing what I always do... feeding kids, nursing baby, changing diapers, and schooling the folks.

Last week to surf trulia to acquaint myself with the area we've been told we would "likely" go. I stumbled upon a housing development and got lost in the clouds looking at new construction floor plans. So excited with the possibilities we might find I printed up some of the brochures of my favorites and asked the kids and husband to review them, inviting them to dream a little with me. Yeah, like Eve and that shiny apple, I was sort of wishing we could just start over in a shiny new house somewhere far, far away.... Even though I don't much care for the weather there most of the year. I'm trying to think of the positives.

Contact Dermatitis

For over a week I've been doing my best to not scratch an itch... or many itches. Sometimes I just can't help it, and have indulged in episodes of frantic scratching, leaving my skin rough, red, and a little broken up. Meanwhile, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what I've been exposed to that has started this episode of contact dermatitis.
Was it the new shampoo or the olive oil soap I'd tried? My beloved wool shirts, socks, and jackets? Something I ate? Something in the water?

Rash on my arm next
 to the new uniform.

Then as I was hanging my husband's new uniform on my indoor clothes line, a label caught my attention, and gave me another suspect to consider. Had I washed my clothes with these insecticide laced uniforms? Generally, I don't separate his uniforms from the rest of the laundry, but I will now.

Honestly, my husband isn't trekking through mosquito infested jungles. Lacing Permethrin into his uniform worn in an office building environment seems ridiculous. This is one instance where I feel a class A uniform would be much better suited for what he's actually doing.  Fighting beltway traffic, and preparing morning briefs at 0-dark hundred does not require protection from disease carrying insects! And I don't need these chemicals seeping into my household environment neither.

The label also stated, and I hope this is true, that dry cleaning will remove the chemicals. So I've asked him to dry clean them. I have no way to testing this for sure, and don't care to subject myself to a trial for science sake. I just want whatever I'm reacting to gone... along with the itching to stop. So the olive oil soap, new shampoo are gone. And I'm giving wool shirts and coats a rest too, though the socks don't seem to be the problem, so I'm thinking perhaps my wool shirts are just adding salt to the already inflamed skin and might not actually be the cause... and they're not new... so that decreases my suspicion of a wool allergy.

If... we move

My current area to research is Tampa, FL.

I've done a bit of research of this area before. Since the branch guy said, that "if" my husband gets promoted he'd "probably" slot him in an assignment to Tampa, I'm renewing my research into that area.

The thought of moving out of our house still makes me weak at the knees, but not having anything solid right now is surprisingly a relief... as I can't really fret if there's no actual orders to go anywhere. "When" we move has moved back to the "if" status... at least this week. "If" is a little less intimidating.

Meanwhile, the only things I accomplished this week towards preparing was to donate four bags of stuff and sell a few more things on eBay.

Yanking my chain

Last week it was.... oh we're going to slot you in your top pick for your move this summer. So I was mentally preparing for a move to the mid-west.

Then today it was... never mind.

Now it's... we're going to wait and see if you make the promotion board cut, then we'll find you an assignment somewhere.

So we may still move... but on short notice.

Or we might not move... but we'll be preparing to exit the army.

Or we'll get to stay and still be a military family, but with a possible move next winter.

Yup... as firm as jello!

Long ways off, but just around the corner

The needs of the army list for my husband's area next summer (not this summer) is out. Places we thought would be on the docket aren't, and other's are. Shockingly, I'm kind of excited about some of the places... though not sure if we can or will go to those. So we're in the midst of trying to learn as much as we can about various assignments so we can come up with our list of preferences. Then later this summer we'll get a tentative heads up on where we'll be going next summer. We're not going anywhere for at least a year, but when it comes to selling a home and moving away it seems like it's only tomorrow.

Thoughts on next assignment

One of the possible placed we could one day go is Florida. I've always been a touch afraid of alligators, and have always insisted I'd never want to live in Florida. That is until our trip to FL this summer where the only alligators we saw were fake ones at Disney (dh swears they were real, but I'm certain the gators at Disney were fake). Anyhow, I was beginning to think my fears were indeed silly and that my dh's assertion that gators don't even grow that large in Florida was true. I really hate it when he lies...even if it's out of ignorance. Clearly Florida alligators do grow large enough to eat a person!

Till I saw this article; Florida Golfers undeterred by large Alligator on Putting Green, which included a picture of a 12-13 foot alligator.

Sure, they've never attacked anyone....yet!

And I was just starting to think I could be comfortable in Florida... well minus the heat and humidity half the year...

Front lines

If you work in the ER you rarely know exactly what's coming through those doors. While indeed it's your job to be ready for almost anything, sometimes you're still going to be taken by surprise. My time working as an ER nurse was considerably short when contrasted to those who do this work as a life long career. Still I think that most ER docs and nurses in the country would be caught off guard when facing something like... oh the first case of Ebola in the country to ever just walk into some random ER. That hospital in Dallas didn't know what hit them. Sure they might have thought to listen the hoof prints and think zebra (Ebola) instead of horses (flu), but how where they to know the first ever case had just walked through their doors. I really do pity them. We can all look back at it with 20/20, hind sight vision, but I don't think we have the right to blame them for not being more prepared. Whatever happened after the positive lab result might well be a different story. However, seeing how the two nurses currently infected were said to have been in contact with the patient very early on, before they knew what they were dealing with.... I'll withhold criticism.

I've worked in a few different ER's and whenever I happen to be in one I can't help but continue to be curious about the efficiency of the particular department. Not all ER's are equal. I consider myself to have been very fortunate to have received extensive training by an ER nurse educator who worked hard to ensure the entire staff received continuous updates and ongoing training. When I moved away from this ER I was utterly shocked at how vastly different the second place I worked for was from the first. They were like night and day in the level of ability to handle higher levels of acuity. With the first ER they also knew their limitations and ensured that patients we weren't equipped for were bypassed for our facility or transferred STAT. Our pediatrics wasn't as high caliber as the children's hospital up the road, so if the kid looked too sick to us, nobody hesitated to call Children's. However, if someone was having a heart attack or stroke, we had them covered.

Of the four different Military Treatment Facility ER's I've been to, only one garnered my respect for how it was ran. The ER at Fort Hood had a Emergency Doctor's training program affiliated with the nearby Trauma facility, Scott and White (where I had applied, but they only wanted me if I'd go fulltime and I could only do PRN at that point with my firstborn on the way), so those doctors always struck me as up to date and "with it." Still other MTF's we've been to, patients had to wait hours before they were even triaged. Almost all MTF's assign a medic to do triage while in the civilian world one of the charge nurses does the initial assessment within a certain time frame, because to do otherwise leaves a potentially critical patient at risk and the hospital liable.

From a practical standpoint I wonder, given it's cold and flu season, a time when lots of folks usually come to the ER with fevers and vomiting, how is a nurse to know, immediately, that the person who has just entered her ER has Ebola and not just another case of the flu? Sure at first we could point to recent travel outside the country (and even more specifically Africa) as a big red flag. I take a little sliver of comfort that our local Pediatrician's staff, and our neighborhood ER (not a Military Treatment Facility) screens for travel outside of the country and have for quite a long time (because they've always been on the look out for Tuberculosis). Yet, even these questions aren't the first things a patient is asked, and one can well imagine the number of transmissions that can occur when a vomiting person presents to a crowded ER waiting room. The check-in clerk usually sits behind a glass window, will have passed a clipboard and admitting paperwork back and forth, and the germs begin to flow from one bustling clerk to the next long before a medical person has began asking question.

When I read the first Ebola case sat in the ER for several hours before they began to suspect Ebola I have a hard time criticizing this given most folks have to sit in the ER for a few hours before all the test results become available and the diagnosis is confirmed.

Another thing that's weighing on my mind is the assertion that medical personal are or should be willingly self sacrificing, like it's part of their job description to get sick and die. Before I had children it was easier to envision myself being the person willing to rush in and be that hero. More so now than ever, I realize I can't go back to work in this sort of environment, because I have so young ones who are utterly dependent upon me. In addition, having a child on the autism spectrum extends my commitment to my children even longer. Always in the back of my mind I worry about what will happen when I'm no longer around to care for my eldest. For the immediate and foreseeable future, should something happen to me, it's been made painfully clear that nobody is willing to step in and fill my shoes. I can't be so selfish as to sacrifice myself, because I'm not here for me, I'm here for them; my children, here and now. I must live for them, or nobody will care for them. With a back up plan like this I absolutely bristle, my nerves on end, when I hear folks take for granted the possible ultimate sacrifice a nurse might make when they go into that line of work. In fact, belittling the sacrifice a soldier makes because "it's what s/he's paid to do" also irritates me.

Just some thoughts I had to get off my chest. 
  

Training changes because...

the mission could change. Who can't help but watch the world developments in the Ebola epidemic closely. I'm certain I'm not the only military spouse out there with a healthy respect for infectious diseases with high fatality rates. When the orders came out for 3,000 personal to deploy to Africa to simply help with relief and infrastructure it was impossible not to feel absolutely panic stricken. While a promise of no boots on the ground was being reiterated across the media (against an enemy you could at least lob a weapon at), we were suppose to rejoice that our military loved ones were being activated to combat a villain with no known weakness nor cure? There are no words of reassurance that can comfort a family preparing for that kind of deployment. There but for the Grace of God go I, my family has not been presented with this particular mission. From our post we can only sympathize with those who have been chosen.

Earlier today frustration set in while bogged down reading comments regarding this deployment. Notably, most commenters do not feel this sort of mission is wise nor serves to protect our nation's best interest. Many even speculate that sending so many of our men and women could actually endanger more lives, which was my first inclination as well. Still, I'm trying to give the mission the benefit of the doubt. However, It's quite a struggle to come to terms with this decision. Even though it's been reiterated that every precaution will be taken it still seems inherently risky to military men, women, their families, and their communities. The only statement that rings true was how little margin for error we have when it comes to fighting Ebola. Still, a number of commenters relentlessly defended the necessity of this mercy mission (thought many were quick to resort to name calling and belittling the intelligence of anyone who disagreed, which is too often the case with comment threads).

One very persistent defender of the deployment kept insisting that our military wasn't going to be put into direct contact with Ebola. However, surely she could have seen this news reports, that mentioned how some personal are being trained to be care providers for those infected with Ebola. The report seems to contradict, the October 7th, press conference from the DOD still denies soldiers will serve as healthcare providers. Still they admit that they're still evaluating the needs of the situation, and seem to leave this issue open to future changes. Would this commenter be so ardent if the mission changes and they do start using our military personal to treat Ebola victims?

Q: Could you tell us how the decision was made to not have U.S. military medical personnel treat Ebola patients directly, and do you have any concerns about manning these Ebola Treatment Units? On the ground, there's been calls from Doctors Without Borders that more people are needed, not necessarily more facilities, although both are needed, so if you could answer one of those.

GEN. RODRIGUEZ: I'm not so sure about how the decision was made, but the bottom line is that's the position right now of the leadership. It's the international community's role right now, and that's where everybody is encouraging people to come forward to do that and -- and that's where -- where we stand until we move, you know, to some future thing that they'll -- they'll continue to relook the decision and continue to adapt to what's required on the ground.

A couple weeks ago, while listening to a representative from the World Health Organization, on the News hour (PBS radio) I couldn't dispute her assessment that the U.S. offer of 3,000 for construction wasn't going to solve the real problem at hand; a lack of medical personal to actively care for the Ebola patients. Had our leadership come right out and stated they plan to send medical personal to care for the afflicted, would as many be as supportive as they are now. Since then the orders have changed to increase the number of troops, including medical personal (as every Army unit has a doctor or Physician's Assistant attached to it) as well as specially trained laboratory personal who will be handling specimens to test for Ebola. Now the number stands at 4,000, who will "stay as long as we're needed, but not longer than we're needed," according to Gen. Rodriguez.

Sometimes protective gear isn't enough. To be constantly on guard from making contact with bodily fluids, when caring for someone is challenging. It's not hard for me to imagine how the nursing assistant in Spain made accidental contact and contracted Ebola. Even the most thought out plans, procedures, and protocols can go awry or suffer failures. Medical mistakes happen all the time. Gowns, gloves, mask, and protective gear can fail and might not be effective. At one point in my career I was assigned to fit test my fellow nurses for mask to protect them from Tuberculosis (T.B.). Even with three incremental sizes, not everyone could be fitted properly with a mask that would protect them should they have encountered a patient with T.B. Anyone who couldn't get a tight fit with one of the three available masks had to request a specialized respirator hood instead. If none of the available mask available fit properly (which was testing using a aerosol saccharin test), a good number of nurses can be left no options for accessible adequate protective gear. In my case, the hospital had the respirator masks, but there were kept locked away, available only upon request and a special trip to the basement. Of course contagious patient usually arrived before one knew what's ailing them precluding total eradication of risk for the frontline responder.  Naturally, whatever resources are available will be utilized even if they aren't going to work 100% of the time. Perhaps they've improved he gear since then. Let's hope!

Germs find ways. They adapt and evolve. Despite the gross speculation of some, Viruses don't discriminate. Instead they are opportunistic especially when it comes to populations who traditionally have weakened or underdeveloped immune systems (the young, elderly, or folks with co-morbidities).

Some folks are better equipped then others to survive a viral onslaught.  You can see this in stories about both Ebola and the Enterovirus D68 epidemic. Most children will only get cold like symptoms, while others are going into respiratory distress or developing mysterious paralysis. Still, a third of the afflicted children were completely healthy before contracting ED68. Reading about the abandoned and shunned children of Ebola victims it's a testament to how resilient some individuals will be despite the worst of conditions. It's a pity for everyone to shun the survivors, because it's likely they could offer us clues as to how to beat this. Quite the opposite of spurn, they should be hoped for.

Oct. 12, 2014 Update... So a healthcare worker in Texas has contracted Ebola from treating the first case, the man who came over from Liberia and later died. Of course the CDC is stating there was some sort of breach in protocol. However, I have a hard time believing that any of the doctors and nurses carelessly disregarded the protocols for personal protection. They know that their lives depend upon that safety equipment.  Interestingly, according to one commenter claiming to currently work in Emergency Medicine, the level of protective gear isn't adequate. I'd like to research this accusation further, but apparently, Ebola requires very expensive BSL-4 level suits to protect healthcare personal from transmitting the virus. The commenter claims that media pictures indicated these personal were only wearing BSL-3 (Mask, gown, gloves, and shield) and it's not enough. If that's all the hospital issued to these doctors and nurses, than it's not their fault there was a breach.

I don't do frivilous anymore

One of the areas we've been striving to find ways to make improvements is professional development for my husband's career. As the army size is shrinking (even though the tempo isn't) things feel a lot more competitive. These are hard times to be starting a new career, so our aim is to stay more than qualified for his current track. Currently, he's taking two certification courses to compliment his advanced degree and expand his world knowledge base. This adds an extra 6 hours a week to his already full time work schedule, but it's a sacrifice worth making.

This evening he was noting that had he been thinking perhaps we should have made plans to attend the military ball his top boss is hosting, because folks who attend get noticed. We don't seem to do "getting noticed" very well. Quite to the contrary I'm more apt to take the "try not to get noticed" route these days. I have a hard time viewing a ball as anything other than an outlandish event for frivolous merrymaking. It's been almost nine years since I've attended on, and nearly as long since we've actually been invited to boot!

The chief issue is procuring child care accommodations. With our ever full schedule and line of fiscal priorities, hiring a sitter is at the bottom of a very long to-do list. Since I can't even get a sitting for pressing emergencies (Yah, I've had to drag all 6 kids to the ER more than once) because I simply don't have anyone readily on tap. A child care professional (who is comfortable dealing with special needs teenagers) seems like an absolute luxury we could never afford... not to mention find. It feels like such a tremendous imposition so I rarely ask anyone to watch our kids. So to waste such a request on something like a military ball just seems out of the question. Besides, If I were to have a evening get away, a ball is hardly the first placed I'd think to go... well cause I don't really think along those lines anymore.

If attendance is required for career advancement, that does seem a trifle more important. Indeed, it used to be, back when the "Corp has" days, that a no show at a formal event was absolutely non starter, as your appearance was a well understood necessity to the successful promotion of ones military career. Over the years though, these things have become less important, and often space limitations dictated that not everyone could attend anyhow. Given the uptick in competiveness, perhaps we're harkening back to the bygone days of old. In that case, given we've missed the ball (don't they know it's the big track meet weekend!) Mia Culpa!

Van Spider

Capturing a picture of a spider web is a challenge I've not quite mastered yet. For the past several weeks a fresh web has appeared every morning strung between the side mirror and the driver side door. These webs hold up very well and have survived speeds of up to 55mph. Usually, it's a child who ultimately causes the destruction of the web.

Today was the final day of swim practice for my children. Now we can proceed with the lazy days of summer...sort of. We still plan to go swimming, but in a recreational fashion. Perhaps we'll sign up for one more round of lessons with our new favorite swim teacher during the first week of August.

What is happening in Mosul is too disturbing to discuss. I simply haven't any words for it. The best I can say is it's tragic and heartbreaking with a hefty dose of sick pit of the stomach feeling.

Lately I've been pondering my state with little ones and how much longer it will be this way. As my baby is rapidly roaring into toddlerhood, I have this notion that perhaps I should start clearing out the stash of baby things we're no longer using. For a fact, at the very least I can say I won't be needing them for the next eleven months. While we've done nothing artificially, it just seems like we're fading away from this phase of life, at least for a while.

Never before have I had such a feeling of uncertainty about how our future will look as there had always been some sort of up and coming mile-stone we were assured of reaching before us as an Army family. While, we'd like to remain as such, little seeds of uncertainty do take root when force reductions loom ahead. It makes you stop and contemplate what else the future might hold and leaves me with many a troubled moments when I try to decipher what else we would do.

I'm slowly, but surely getting some painting done in the kitchen. There is so much painting that I feel needs to be done. Some days I do wish we could just list and sell, but I've noticed that even this late in the selling season, new houses are still popping up on the market and it seems many are sitting for quite a long time causing me to doubt. Still, there's no point in letting the doubt paralyze, and so I'm working to squelch that fear and press forward in doing my best to fix up this place we call home.

See he fresh coat of paint on he wall, (Oat straw) and the cabinets having been resurfaced with the rustoleum kit, which I think looks very much like paint, and indeed it chips off very easily, so I'm not all that impressed with it so far. Too late now.

Shhh....She's crAzy

There's been a bit of an uproar in military wives circles over this article, "My Soldier is Leaving Me, Again." Firstly, yes she was and has acknowledged her faux pas in calling time at Fort Leavenworth a deployment.  However, She's a Major's wife, so I expect her to be a little crazy. From day one of my journey with my career officer husband, my observation was that the major's wives were always a little crazy. Now in the prime of our lives I still can't quite pin point exactly what it is that drives us Major's wives nuts, but I'm not going to sweat it because thankfully, I've also observed that promotion to Colonel seems to straighten the wives out. The reason for that seems so much more obvious; there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever craziness she's suffering from will soon be near over and anyone can hang in there long enough to cash in that retirement check.

In all honesty I can sympathize with Knadler. Over the last several years I've been living the pseudo-civilian life style. Being a homeowner too, we're deeply wedded to the house. Having a mortgage payment to consider does change the logistics of a 10 month assignment to Leavenworth. If we were looking at that assignment I would probably have to opt for shipping my dear husband off unaccompanied as well (but we'd definitely go visit a lot!) Why, well because moving out of our house and finding a tenant for just 10 months seems to me a very dicey proposition. In all likelihood she doesn't have 10 months worth of mortgage payments banked up for that long of an extended vacation. I know I sure don't. If I did, I'd probably spend it on something else (like braces, or school tuition, new windows, or a heating oil to gas conversion). So I may be one of the few who gets why she doesn't want to move to Leavenworth for less than a year.

For sure it's easier to live in base housing and never have to worry about a mortgage, flood insurance, paying for home repairs, or finding a responsible tenant. Housing tends to be very cookie cutter, and close quartered. All the walls are white so your things will blend in well everywhere you go. It's an ideal situation for very extraverted families who thrive on socializing over the short fences and communal living spaces. Many love this life style and the close friendships they build living in this setting. Unfortunately, retirement or end of time served (ETS) will come one day and they will have to leave base housing at some point. Perhaps this is why I'm see so many advertisements for retired military communities promising many of the same life style opportunities of on post housing, but in the real world. There's certainly a market for that!

But on the flip side, we're not terribly extraverted. In fact, dare I say it, we're kind of introverted. Having lived in quarters and been there done that living on post, I'm living out my life long dream of home ownership. Growing up in various rental apartments gave me a yearning for a place I could call mine. Yes, buying a house is a lifestyle choice.  It's not without risks, but there can be rewards as well. Today I picked out this really lovely tile for my kitchen that reminds me of the beautiful Potomac River. My walls are green, yellow, blue, and peach (though I'm planning on changing the peach). Instead of relying upon some housing office, I control the quality of repairs and improvements to my abode. When I Hated the carpet in the kids room we ripped it out. There was flower wall paper in the boys room it went bye bye! We needed a serious security solution for household cleaners so we installed a real lock on a cabinet in the laundry room. A fence for the dog, so we built one. An arbor for the grape vine, done. Fruit trees, planted. Discovered poisonous bushes, tore them out and replaced them with roses. Kid puts a dent or hole in the wall, bust out the quick patch...and so it goes. If we need to change something we don't need to ask permission from anyone to do so.

Yes, we'll have to PCS one day, and I hope to provide a lovely rental home for someone who doesn't want to wait 6months to a year for post housing.

To each, his own, enough said.