Our new normal is a carefully choreographed dance of separation. John takes Peter to school at 7:50am and I pick him up at 2:55pm on a typical school day. Usually he's out of the house before any of his "annoying" siblings have graced his presence. If I can get everyone finished with all their lessons before pickup time, the late afternoon can be more easily focused on creating a quiet peaceful environment for the after-school landing.
Yesterday, however, was a testing day, all the kids doing the PSAT before an 2 hour early release. We had a lot less time to accomplish our homeschooling goals. Generally, if I can at least get the two younger boys finished with their work, that makes the biggest difference, as their presence is especially irritating to their big brother. Getting the girls (especially the 9yo) to stick to a schedule is like forcing a round peg into a square hole. They tend to disappear given any distraction and I have to restrain myself to yell for them to return... if possible. Sometimes it's not possible for me to search for them throughout the whole house and "quietly" demand they return to their studies at the table. Even yelling at/to the other children can cause Peter to come unglued.
Which brings me to contemplating June 13, the last day of school with a foreboding of dread. To keep the peace it will become imperative that we find him something to do during the day, outside of the house... or the rest of us find something to do outside of the house... and that it not cost us much money. Because... oh yeah... John is suppose to retire soon and instead of saving, we've been hemorrhaging money, time, and energy. We're on the glide path to land flat on our faces if anything other than divine intervention unfolds when he hangs up his uniform for good.
The list of broken stuff is still long. Yesterday was also the beginning of an open application season for a particular grant that kids with certain developmental disabilities can apply for. We are totally new to all of this. I only joined the special blessings group this past year (never having been to an actual meeting because it's like in Manassas, not nearby)… John has attending some informational presentations and I've been gleaning from the web groups. This particular grant is limited to first come, first serve, and needs based and I "think" it's state money. You have to specify exactly how you'd use it and for what, and be prepared to be audited of course. Folks apparently, stay up late so they can submit the application upon the stroke of midnight. The response was so overwhelming the site apparently crashed. By time we got around to putting in our application, everything was fixed. As we went through the form, I was struck with thoughts of "where shall I start, what's most likely to be approved and granted?" We put in a request for funding for the monthly service fee for the Angel Sense GPS tracking device I purchased last month. It was on sale, and I felt it might be very helpful as Peter leaves the house more often, perhaps even transitioning to leaving on his own.
Why not a cell phone... because as I read the crime reports daily, one of the most common crimes committed near our house is cellphone theft from pedestrian victims. If someone tried to assault my son, they'd have to have a special tool to remove and get away with the Angel Sense device. That was my rational. He still wants a cell phone though. That's one of the conversations I try and avoid with him, as he can get irritated pretty quickly. I told him the device wasn't just for him, as I've been sending it with Charlotte when she goes to walk dogs. That seemed to make it a little more acceptable to him. And for the moment he's not actually using it much. We hand him off to an attendant at school for now.
Next week we're having our IEP meeting and I'll learn more about what they think will be appropriate accommodations. We are hoping that perhaps we could get him a special needs bus ride or at least keep the attendant. However, they've continued to suggest that the attendant would only be a temporary accommodation. We'll see.
So my birthday is coming up... a date I'd rather ignore frankly. The school just scheduled the IEP meeting for that morning. So it's sooooo not going to be all about "me!" Every year John wants to know what I want. If I don't specify something, he usually buys me something I'd rather not have. All these years, he still doesn't really get me.... well he gets that we have different ideas and tastes. He gets that I usually don't like random gifts. If the "gift" is coming from my own pot of money, or as usually is the case, a unplanned expense I'm going to be very discriminating. I immediately think about the other things we need more than said unrequested item. Like, right now, we need to do some more yard drainage work for the house. The range hood over the stove and the dishwasher are both broke. All the storm doors are broken. The damage from Peter's last major outburst (broken glass shower door, and cabinet vanity doors, and towel rack) has caused the menfolk to abandon their bathroom, increasing the traffic in the "mom"/ diaper change bathroom. I can't even think about frivolous "wants." I can't force myself to fake joy in the little "gifts." I've always been this way. It's not gotten easier over the years. So this year I thought kind of hard... because it's really not about me at all. Birthdays are always about everyone else and what they want. They want to buy something and have me be grateful... so I told him I wanted the Joseph to my Bavarian Madonna, which is just about impossible as the 22" statue has been on backorder for years. So I suggested perhaps the set in the shorter stature... which is a compromise. If he actually buys them both in the smaller size I'm not sure what I'll do with my big statue. It's one of the few nice things I have that hasn't been wrecked. It's just a statue that's pleasant to look upon. As things have been destroyed my tendency to be attached to any "thing" has died a little more. I want to like my things. I want to live in a pretty home. However, nothing I can do right now would foster those desires, so why waste time, money, or energy on those?
That's where I'm at right now.
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